A lot has happened on my spiritual path since I’ve last written. I’ve found a metaphysical shop near me that offers classes and I’ve been over the moon exploring new things.
What is fresh on my mind is that I’ve just come from my first reading with a psychic medium. It was incredibly freeing and validating. I’m overwhelmed with gratitude that I’ve been led to find this place.
The medium asked me if I had any issues that were forefront in my mind. I told her that while I’ve been so lucky to have an amazing life and good relationships, the most pressing thing is my husband’s unhealthy relationship with his work. As it is extremely stressful, he is pulled into very negative patterns of thinking. It’s very draining on both him and me.
She picked up immediately that I am an empath and that throughout my life I’ve had a pattern of taking on a caretaker role, even as a child. I’m amazed she mentioned the fact that I was caring for the adults in my life, which in many ways is absolutely true. Her guides kept saying I felt guilty, they urged me not to feel responsible for the circumstances my husband or parents are currently in. They kept going back to some sort of childhood trauma and that there is something that I really need to forgive myself for. Right now, I’m not sure what is.
I practiced cutting my energy ties with everyone today for the first time (not in that I’m cutting emotional ties with everyone I love, but just recalling the energy that I’m spending worrying and getting caught up in the energy and emotions of others). The amount of energy that came back was staggering, to the point I was incredibly lightheaded and woozy. The medium’s guides told me it just shows how much energy I’ve been expending on these ties. As I cut the cord more often, this rebound of energy will become less overwhelming. The medium also said that cord cutting with my mother was especially important. There are some old hurts from her that have become part of my negative self-talk. I need to meditate on my childhood to learn the root of those feelings. Only then I think I can truly release that energy.
She shuffled a deck of animal medicine cards and the three that fell were bear, lizard and hummingbird. Bear medicine especially pertains to self-care, a message that the medium’s guides kept telling her was missing in my life. I need to ground, to center, to meditate, to spend time with my spirit guides, to cut cords, to protect my own energy. Only then will I be able to raise the vibration of my home and of the ones I love. I’ve had a pattern of putting my needs on the back burner and now I need to break those patterns.
We talked a lot about fox medicine, who has been a lifelong guide. He’s helped me camouflage and shape-shift into whatever I’ve needed to be in any instance and in doing so has helped me to survive. Now, though, it has become imbalanced. I’ve camouflaged so much that I’ve lost part of myself and my authenticity. The medium mentioned black panther, who she said was with me to remind myself of my own power. I’ll have to converse with both of them, to balance their medicine in my life.
The medium also told me that especially now that I am becoming more aware, that as I find myself vibrating at a higher frequency than someone else, that it truly is ok. I don’t have to make good, to smooth over the situation, to bring down my vibration to someone else’s. I feel like that has a lot to do with the transition from the community that I am a part of to the community I want to be a part of. It’s also, I think, a characteristic of how strong fox medicine is in my life. I told her I don’t want to worry about what others think, that I want to be authentic and genuine. She asked me what’s the worst that could happen if I talked openly about my spirituality, and I told her I couldn’t get past this fear of being harmed if anyone found out. So here’s the kicker:
She told me in one of my past lives, I was a witch.
Her guides showed her at least one of my past lives in that I was persecuted and eventually killed for practicing my spirituality. She said their could have been more. The important thing though is that I can honor that part of my spirit’s history, but that now, in this life, I am safe. I could do a past life regression for more information, but that a spiritual release would help me rid myself of that fear.
I also asked her for guidance on understanding the messages that my guides are giving me. I told her what it’s like when I meditate — a jumble of shapes, colors, smells, animals. She told me that I’m not alone in being confused. We can get all kinds of messages from our guides and that it’s not always in ways that we would expect. We just have to be open to the many ways these messages can come and ask our guides how they wish to give them to us.
So my homework: 1) continue spiritual self-care, 2) reflect on my childhood and what I need to release about it, 3) find out more about past life regressions, and 4) be open to conversing with and receiving messages from my guides.
This. Is. Fantastic. 🙂